


Little Selfish Wants

by Ajora Fravashi (ajora)



Series: Tales from Beta Kindergarten [4]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-15
Updated: 2017-02-15
Packaged: 2018-09-24 15:47:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9768923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ajora/pseuds/Ajora%20Fravashi
Summary: Having an affair with her former mistress probably wasn't the best choice a pearl could make, but what was the point of joining a rebellion if it wasn't for gaining the right to have what she wanted?





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Meimi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meimi/gifts).



> This is for my girlfriend, who really likes these two.
> 
> Also, this is the first time I've written porn in years, so apologies if it looks awful or silly or whatever. This takes place shortly after the first side-story in Beta AU, and before Mist and era 1!Peridot have to part ways. Prior knowledge is helpful. This was meant to be posted on Valentine's Day, but AO3 laughed and said no.

It had been a good five thousand years since Mist had sex. Been raped, actually, but it was all the same while she was nothing but a possession. Towards the end of her time with Grandidierite, her mistress took more interest in a new pearl than her and left her alone in _that_ way until she was sent to be harvested. With Peridot, the subject only arose when someone else brought it up, and Peridot had dismissed it on the grounds of having no interest in it. At first she had been relieved, but her feelings for Peridot grew to the point where she wanted some way to express them and kisses and cuddles didn't seem to be enough anymore. She hadn't thought of sex at first, not until she was invited into the Crystal Gems' headquarters and been surprised by nearly bumping into a very tousled-looking Renegade being trailed by a giggling Rose Quartz. Garnet had smirked at her stunned expression and admitted that it happened more than she'd ever suspected, especially as cross-caste relationships became more common and energies spiked after a successful battle. If she wanted to give it a try, there was no shortage of Crystal Gems looking to try something new. Mist had deferred from the offer for a while, but eventually curiosity won out and she had her first truly enjoyable sex with Bismuth's usual partner, Snowflake. And Snowflake had been a patient, wonderful lover and was a perfectly nice friend, but she didn't feel the same sort of thing for Snowflake as she did for Peridot. 

There never seemed to be a right time to broach the subject with Peridot, however. The Prime Kindergarten fell and Peridot started withdrawing into herself, which made Mist ache for her. She knew losing Prime Kindergarten wasn't entirely her fault, but it was necessary if the Crystal Gems were to gain the upper hand and the attack would have happened anyway, and… No amount of rationalizing made her feel better about it. She kept Beta Kindergarten secret from the Crystal Gems as her private atonement; given the way Peridot talked about how they would come out, the gems that came from the Beta Kindergarten wouldn't stand a chance against the Crystal Gems. Maybe she would lose her standing with them, but she couldn't be the cause of another slaughter. 

Then the Beta Kindergarten was written off entirely, and things were going so badly for Homeworld that she could feel the end coming. The tension was heavy and oppressive, and Peridot was so depressed that she feared that her… mistress? wasn't going to recover. And 'mistress' didn't really fit Peridot. It never really did, even in the beginning. None of the human terms didn't seem to fit, either, and they weren't yet lovers. Not really. Yet time was growing shorter with each passing day. She would have to make her move. 

Peridot was working on the pressurization valves of an open injector when a flash of inspiration came to her. She set her tools aside and sidled up to Peridot as she leaned into the injector. _Her_ Peridot, who was brilliant and creative, even when she wasn't made for invention or artistry. _Her_ Peridot, who had shown her kindness and consideration without ever expecting anything from her, who let her run off time and again without ever knowing if she was going to return. Her Peridot, who felt loss keenly, even for those she didn't like. Peridot was trapped in the ideology Homeworld had fed all of them for longer than Mist had been alive, and fear of the unknown governed her to the point where Mist despaired that she would never be able to get her clever, talented Peridot to go with her. But Peridot was _hers_ , and she loved all of her without reservation… was that what it felt like to own someone? To think of Peridot as belonging to her? But, it wasn't quite like that, was it? Peridot could always leave, or she could, and no one was stuck in this. There was a caring between them that was absent with her previous mistresses.

"Peridot? I have an idea for that injector we can't get to work."

Peridot glanced up at her and pulled herself from the guts of the injector, giving Mist her full attention in a way that even most of the Crystal Gems never quite got around to. Everything about her body language was open and receptive. "What about it?"

"Well, I thought, maybe we should just cannibalize it for parts and use the inside for shelter during the storms." Her smile faltered at Peridot's quizzical look. "You know how I like to watch them. And I'll pad out the interior and we can watch the storms together."

Peridot was silent for longer than she was comfortable with, and was clearly mulling it over. "The hatch only opens from the outside. We'll have to cut into the underside to install a switch to get it to open from the inside, too. It's not a complicated job, but it could be lengthy because the innards will have to be removed piece by piece."

"We could fuse," she responded, practically jumping on the opening. "Jadeite would be stronger than either of us working separately!"

Bald reluctance shown on Peridot's face, and Mist almost felt guilty about bringing it up. After all, they had only fused once before, and that had been with her taking the lead and initiating it without asking. Before she could backtrack, or apologize for being so forward, or do any number of things that would make Peridot more comfortable, the other gem shook her head and the reluctance transformed into determination. "We'll unhook the pipes before we fuse and then take it from there."

That was as good an opening as any. Mist smiled and closed in to hug Peridot. "I know you're fighting everything you knew, inside, but… Thank you. You're so good to me. I just… Want to be good to you, too. That's why I want to fuse with you, and make love, and—"

"What?" The word was abrupt and horrified, and Peridot's face faded to a sickly green as she stepped abruptly out of Mist's arms. She couldn't quite stop the quick jab of hurt to her core. It must have shown on her face, for Peridot's hands fell gently on her shoulders in an effort to be reassuring. The color returned to Peridot's face, and it was joined by uncertainty and regret. "No. No! You don't owe me anything!"

"Of course I don't, but I love you and want to do those things with you." Mist drew closer, just to brush away the hair around Peridot's face. It always had a calming effect, and the tension seemed to slowly drain from Peridot. She pressed on in the hopes that doing so wouldn't give Peridot time to start cultivating more doubts. "We've been kissing and snuggling, right? It'll just be like more of the same, really."

Peridot vented a nervous chuckle as her hands slipped off Mist's shoulders to twitch at her sides. She really wasn't comfortable with the subject. "Morganite's manual showed a bit more than that."

A sudden heaviness settled into Mist's core as she recalled the manual Peridot had shown her in passing, before dismissing the entire thing and never bringing it up again. Her first mistress had the manual, too, and had used it as inspiration. The second was experienced enough not to need it, and the third was more imaginative. "You… Di—did you read it?" Her voice sounded as faint as she felt.

"No." There was an element of anger in the deepening of those lines between Peridot's brows, but it wasn't aimed at her. "The pearls looked hollow. Like toys. It was a disgusting file and I couldn't delete it fast enough."

She managed a weak smile in response. It was nice that Peridot was offended for her sake, but… Well, so much for the mood. "Nothing we do will be like that. You've never hurt me."

"And I don't want to!" Peridot's tone was a jumble of pleading and indignation, with a smattering of guilt. The guilt was interesting; had Peridot thought about it before now? "I don't want to do anything that your previous owners might have done to you, and I don't want you to have to relive any of that just for a little bit of pleasure. It's not right."

It really was sweet, but there was a flaw in Peridot's thinking. Still, it did alleviate that heavy feeling within her. "I'm the one who gets to decide what I want and who I do things with." It was strange, wasn't it? She wouldn't have thought these things a mere thousand years ago. For other gems, it might be unreasonable to be thrilled by the idea of making her own choices. "What I want to do with you has nothing to do with anyone in my past. We just need to take it slow and we can stop at any time."

"Please be sure." Peridot's voice cracked a little, just enough that it sounded like she was more ready to give in than Mist had thought. 

The heaviness disappeared entirely as she smiled and closed the distance between them. Peridot was just a little taller than her, which made it easier to mentally separate her from the towering statures of her previous owners, and she was so much softer. Peridot relaxed a little as Mist draped her arms around her shoulders, and her hands settled on Mist's hips. This part, at least, was something they'd done thousands of times by now. "I'm sure. Just follow my lead."

They kissed like they always did, with Mist initiating with a gentle brush of her lips against Peridot's, then following up with a little pressure that seemed to help get things going. Gems did not naturally project themselves as soft and yielding (and warm, and wet, and…), but a little of the right stimulation seemed to trigger a shift to more malleable, pleasurable forms that were almost organic. Or something. Peridot could probably write a dissertation about _why_ and _how_ if urged to, but Mist was just happy that it happened at all. The tip of her tongue dabbed at Peridot's lower lip, and the lips parted easily for her, allowing her to dip inside and brush against Peridot's tongue. The hands on her hips shifted upwards to settle along her spine and the small of her back to hold her tighter, closer, as if this was the only kind of intimacy that mattered. But then, Peridot always seemed to have trouble thinking beyond the immediate when they were together like this. Mist adored it.

And, suddenly, Peridot broke the kiss. Reluctantly. She didn't pull away until she followed up on the kiss with a couple of pecks, and her hands seemed unwilling to lose contact with her for long. And she had that besotted haze in her olive-green eyes that she had to blink away a few times before she could focus. "I… uh, wow." Peridot was trying so hard not to look at her. It was cute that she could still get so flustered by simple kissing after all this time. "Ehm, I think we should get started on that injector, don't you?"

"You just want to put things off," Mist teased. She brushed a kiss on Peridot's cheek and pulled away. "Fine. I'll go ask around for padding and blankets." With a final kiss, she turned and walked to the warp pad. 

It took several hours to get enough donations for her nest from the Crystal Gems, some of whom were more reluctant than others to given something away. She had never made it secret that she was in love with someone who was technically her owner (even if Peridot had stopped ordering her around outright long ago and planned to free her officially once it was safe to do so), but it disquieted enough of them that they doubted her allegiance. Crazy Lace accosted her again, which was normal by now and Mist might be amused by the fact that Crazy Lace liked to advocate for pearls by talking _right over them_ if she wasn't frequently at the receiving end of the agate's rants. (And what a coward, honestly. As far as she knew, Crazy Lace never dared pull the same thing on the Renegade.) She supposed she couldn't blame the more suspicious of the rebels, for her only true allegiance was to herself and Peridot, at least for as long as Peridot remained infatuated with her. And that was awful, probably, but she was tired of doing what others wanted. What she wanted was for the Beta Kindergarten to succeed and its gems to grow without mistresses and agates, freedom for herself, and Peridot. So far, none of that explicitly went against the Crystal Gems' mission statement; the Beta Kindergarten was situated in a desert and her relationship with Peridot had nothing to do with them. 

When she returned, Peridot had gotten the pipes disconnected and was working on the hatch release switch for the interior of the injector. They fused long enough to pull out the heavy innards, and might have spent a little more time than was necessary as Jadeite (who spent the rest of her time hugging herself and giggling). But then the beeping of her tablet distracted Peridot enough for them to break the fusion and Mist sighed and went to work filling out the interior of the injector with padding so that they'd be able to watch the stars together. It was just large enough for them to lie side by side, which had been her true intent. It was going to be somewhere that was just theirs. 

Peridot came back to her when she was in the middle of pulling a pillow out of her gem, which was one of several donations from a pearl who had run from her mistress with all of Pollucite's belongings. She watched idly as Mist pulled it out the rest of the way and set it down in the nest she made of the injector. The sun was setting, and she'd wanted to finish padding out the interior of the injector before it got to be too dark to see what she was doing. "Your friends are generous."

"Some more than others." She pulled out another sheet, which Peridot helped her handle without need for prompting. "Pearls understand what I'm working through."

Peridot held the bundle of sheets in her arms as she watched her, and she already guessed that something was wrong. Of course she did. "There's a problem."

"Just some well-meaning quartzes who think that any relationship between us will always be unequal." Mist took the sheet and laid it down to add to the growing nest, and she tried very hard to get Crazy Lace out of her head. Sorting out the bedding kept her busy, which kept her from showing how much that bothered her. "I _know_ that. But they don't know you, or how you are to me. It's just… complicated and they're not interested in complicated."

"That has always been the problem with rebellions." Peridot pursed her lips against what once would have been a springboard for another ramble on how the rebels were Doing It Wrong, and Mist was almost disappointed. She missed when Peridot wasn't so guarded around her. "But you don't need a lecture."

Sometimes Peridot was too considerate of her. Which was nice, and she did appreciate it. She straightened and turned to beckon her Peridot closer with an outstretched hand. "What I need is you."

Peridot's eyes widened with the realization that she was really intending to go through with this, and she chuckled nervously as she approached. She took the hand in hers and brought it to her lips to kiss the knuckles, and Mist could feel her practically thrumming with anticipation. "Tell me what to do."

"Love me. That's all I really want." She felt horribly selfish for even saying such a thing, but Peridot never acted like she was asking too much.

Peridot's eyes met hers as she brushed a kiss atop the gem on the back of Mist's hand, an act that made a thrill go down her spine with the knowledge that she would trust no one else with her gem like this. It was a look that none of her mistresses had given her: love and admiration and guilty desire all bundled together. "Of course I love you."

Mist smiled back and tugged her hand closer, and Peridot followed the gesture until her hands were at the small of Mist's back. She tilted her face up and was met with a kiss that deepened the moment her hand went around Peridot's shoulder to tease at the sensitive skin around the gem at the base of her neck. She relished the silky slide of Peridot's lips on hers, the soft wetness against her tongue, the press of Peridot's body against hers and the way their bodies softened and warmed to each other the further along the kiss went. Her free hand traced along Peridot's side to squeeze between them and cup the nearly-defined breast pressed against her. Peridot's breath hitched as she rubbed her palm lightly against the hardening nipple, but she made no move to dissuade her. She broke the kiss just enough to press little butterfly kisses along Peridot's jawline and neck, accenting her path with little brushes of tongue and warm puffs of breath that made Peridot try and fail to bite back a moan. She kissed her way to an earlobe hidden under the tufts of yellow-green hair, and a lick and a breath got her that moan she wanted and a jerk that seemed to be Peridot's knees very nearly buckling under her. 

"Let's get into our nest, shall we," she suggested, and broke the embrace just enough to step back until her calves met the wall of the open injector. Peridot watched her with that haze in her eyes that was adoration and lust and need all tangled together, and that gave Mist an idea. It was bolder than she'd ever been with Snowflake, and she'd never been asked to do it by her mistresses, but she'd never wanted to see their reactions like she wanted Peridot's. "But first…" She traced the top hem of her leotard with one long finger, from sternum to right under her arm, and the material faded to reveal her small breast and the hard, dusky green little nipple at its peak. Peridot's eyes widened and her jaw dropped at the sight, which made it very hard for Mist to keep from grinning in response. She repeated the gesture with the other half of the garment, and brought her fingers together under the line of her nipples and slid her hands slowly downwards, dissipating her clothing along the way. Then she paused, folding her hands in front of her lower abdomen where her diaphanous skirt joined with her leotard. "Tell me how much you want me."

Peridot's jaw closed and she licked her lips nervously, and her eyes were still wide with naked desire. "Stars, I've never wanted anyone more." Her voice was soft, almost reverent. Mist wondered if it was just the heat of the moment making her say that, or if she really was telling the truth.

"Surely there have been others?" She was almost afraid to ask, but curiosity won out.

"Other lovers, yes." Peridot blinked, like she wasn't expecting the question at all. "But none I've wanted more than you."

"Then show me how much you love me." She willed away the rest of the clothing, exposing herself entirely to Peridot. Peridot's mouth dropped open again as her gaze roamed her body, and… Mist had to bite back a giggle, and covered up the urge by reaching out to gently nudge Peridot's chin back in place. "Peridot, darling, you're drooling." It was actually sort of charming, and certainly nothing any of her prior mistresses would have done. "Why don't you join me?"

With that, Mist turned to ease herself into the nest she'd created in the gutted injector. The bedding was wonderfully soft and cosy, and the sides made it feel like she could shut the world away. Peridot climbed in and crawled over her until her head blocked out the stars and her knees straddled Mist's hips. Mist ran the tip of her finger under the collar of Peridot's uniform. "Get rid of this, too." Her voice was soft, and she couldn't quite cover up the thrill of anticipation underlying it. "It's no fun if I'm the only one naked."

The uniform dissipated, letting Peridot's larger breasts swing free and press more comfortably against hers. Her breath caught from the contact as her nipples brushed against Peridot's, and her lips were taken up in a searing kiss. Her right arm wound under Peridot's so that she could stroke the skin around her gem, and her other hand reached down to feel between Peridot's legs. Stars, she was so slick, and warm, and soft, and Mist's fingers were coated so quickly that she was sure that Peridot had been wanting this for ages. The contact made Peridot gasp into her mouth and struggle to muster up enough willpower to break away. This kiss was broken reluctantly, and Peridot took a moment to compose herself before speaking. Still, her voice was shaky and heavy with need. "No… Don't touch me. Not yet. This is about you. Just… let me treat you. Please."

A sudden uneasiness settled into her stomach at the thought of just lying there and taking it. She'd lain there and _taken it_ so often that she suddenly felt trapped. Something must have shown on her face, for the lust seemed to clear from Peridot's face just before she drew back. Peridot's nimble fingers brushed the hair out of her face; an echo of the motion Mist always used to soothe her. "What's wrong?"

"I can't be passive," she said, and almost winced at how desperate she must have sounded. Her fingers twisted in the sheets in anxiety, wiping away Peridot's wetness before she thought to taste it. "It'll be too much like—"

Peridot shifted on her knees just enough to lean forward and kiss her forehead. "Then don't. Tell me, show me what you want. Do whatever you need to."

It took a moment for Mist to figure out that Peridot was giving her the lead. That felt strange, too, but it made her feel less anxious. "Are you sure?"

"About this, yes." Peridot kissed her forehead again, kissed the place between her brows, and drifted to kiss the side of her nose. The kisses were soft, warm, and made her skin tingle pleasantly. It relaxed her enough that she could untangle her fingers from the sheets and focus on the here and now. "What do you want?"

"Keep kissing me." Mist closed her eyes as Peridot's lips met hers, and parted hers in invitation. It was taken eagerly, and the kiss deepened as she twined her fingers in Peridot's hair and traced the ridge of her spine. The kiss lasted perhaps a minute, then Peridot broke off to nibble at her neck. Her breath hitched when Peridot found a particularly sensitive spot and laved it with extra kisses and attention, which sent a thrill running through her and made her whine for more. And Peridot, thankfully, did nothing but comply for several long, exquisite moments before moving on. She followed up with a series of kisses down her arms that made Mist giggle more than anything, and that got Peridot to giggle along with her. That in itself was delightful, for Peridot hardly ever laughed, and certainly not like that. Mist grinned and pulled her lover back for another kiss. It was more like a series of pecks, really, and Peridot managed to get enough leverage on her knees to free a hand. The fingers traced along her side and she tried and failed not to laugh, which only got Peridot to grin again.

"Stop, you're tickling me," she managed to say somewhere between the giggles. Peridot's eyes danced with suppressed mirth, and she returned to planting little kisses along her chest. No one had ever been like this with her, and she appreciated it more than she could possibly say. She settled on repeating something tried and true, instead. "I'm so in love with you."

"I'm in love with you, too," Peridot responded, with that husky quality in her voice that only seemed to turn up when they were together like this. Mist knew, of course, but it was wonderful to hear the words spoken. Peridot's free hand slipped between them to cup Mist's breast in a palm, and she gasped from the contact. Peridot watched her as if transfixed. "You're so responsive."

The words almost threw her back to the memory of Emerald taking her for the first time. Except Peridot's tone was wondering, and Emerald's had been smug and cruel. Peridot had never done a thing to hurt her, and never would. Then Peridot did something that none of Mist's mistresses ever did, she dipped her head and Mist nearly jolted as she felt the soft, wet tongue at her nipple. The fingers lightly teasing her other nipple were gentle and skilled, and every light squeeze and tweak and caress felt deliberate. The attention made her so slick between her legs that she as sure she could take anything Peridot might offer without worry. Soon enough her clit ached for contact, and she squirmed and tried to push Peridot further down. And Peridot did eventually trail her kisses down Mist's stomach, but she did so with almost excruciating slowness. The anticipation only sharpened her need to be touched _right there_ , and…

Peridot paused in the progression of little kisses and licks, one hand resting on Mist's hip. The thumb traced light circles along the crest, which felt awfully nice. The look in her eyes was hunger and lust, tempered with the love that separated Peridot from everyone who had used Mist in the past. "May I?"

"Of course." Mist wasn't sure what she agreed to, but she would go with anything right then and there, if only because she had faith in the fact that Peridot wouldn't do a thing to hurt her. Peridot shifted back on her knees further and further, until she got to a point where she stopped straddling her and pulled up Mist's knees. Oh! It wasn't a position she'd ever been in before, but if Peridot was going to do what she thought, it felt a lot more equal than what Mist was more familiar with. More comfortable too, probably. Peridot kissed the sides of her knees as she knelt between them, and with a measured pace she left hot, tingling little kisses along the insides of Mist's thighs. Each kiss brought her closer to the hard, aching little clit peeking out from its hood. A single breath on it was enough to make Mist jolt, again. 

"You've got the most perfect genitalia I've ever seen," Peridot murmured, looking utterly entranced as she traced the tip of one finger along the outer lips. Mist was torn between laughing at Peridot's choice of words and just tangling her fingers in Peridot's hair and encouraging her to bring her off. But it seemed awfully… forward, wasn't it? But she reached down, anyway, to rake her fingers through the spiky hair. It got Peridot's attention, and she glanced back up at her with a little smirk that was a shadow of the self-assuredness that Mist thought was gone with Pink Diamond. "You wouldn't mind if I indulged, would you?"

She had just managed a small " _please_ " before Peridot lowered her face between Mist's legs. The slow lick along her slit nearly made her jerk away in surprise, but Peridot's hands on her thighs kept her grounded. Another lick parted the outer lips and she couldn't stop herself from moaning. The pleasure only mounted as Peridot's tongue traced along each little fold and just over the hood of her clit with a methodicalness that was just so _Peridot_ that it might have been aggravating coming from anyone else. Her fingers tangled in Peridot's hair almost cruelly, but it only seemed to encourage her lover further. Peridot alternated between lapping at her clit, sucking on her lips, and dipping her tongue inside her, and only Peridot's increasingly ragged breathing gave away the fact that she was just as much into this as Mist was. Mist lost all concept of time, and any associations she might have made with her previous mistresses were so far from her mind that she thought nothing of vocalizing her pleasure and begging for more. Peridot complied with everything, even when Mist's hands might have gotten too rough with her hair. When she was finally so close that she couldn't stop herself from trying to grind on Peridot's tongue, Peridot held one of her legs in place and began sucking on her clit. The other hand seemed to have disappeared, but then there was just a momentary pause as Peridot's voice hitched and Mist was just glad she was finally taking care of herself. The pleasure finally peaked and broke and she came with a cry and little, fragmented chants of Peridot's name. Peridot's attentions became more erratic with her own orgasm, but she didn't pull away until she teased out a few more mini-climaxes from Mist. When she finally, finally gave up, Peridot crawled out from between her legs and laid at her side. Her eyes gleamed with pride and adoration, and Mist managed to get up enough energy to shift to her side and lean over to kiss her wetness from Peridot's lips. 

"You're amazing," Mist managed to say, once the afterglow ebbed enough that she could string thoughts together again. She cuddled into Peridot's arms, content and happy and wishing time would stop or the world could go on without them. Peridot's hand covered the gem at the back of hers, gentle and protective. As if that could possibly protect her from the world. The stars were fading with the coming of a cloudless dawn, and with it the illusion of isolation. "We need to do this more often."

Peridot kissed her forehead. "Anything you want, love."

Mist flashed her a grateful smile and snuggled closer. Maybe it was selfish, but thank heavens she had what she wanted. Even if it was just for a little while. 


End file.
